Sunday, January 17, 2010

The Daily What

The Daily What
Hilarious. Emailers prank a live Christian talk show with alternative stories of... "faith." He has no clue.

1 comment:

-blessed holy socks, the non-perishable-zealot said...

After my lifelong demise, toots, here's my fantasy in Heaven, which you may or may not take part in (totally up to you): to love as I undauntedly, unrestrained wanna be loved. GO NO FURTHER, GIRL, UNLESS YOU'RE PREPARED. Ponder sex in Heaven; ponder love make'n for the whole length and breadth of forever and ever... slow, soft, and smooth... interspersed with delicious-N-nutritious Pi. Centillions of delight. Howsabout a big, yummy O for days, or months, or years... sighing, sobbing, screeem'n bloody murder... is definitely allowed in the realm where the sun never sleeps. Almighty God wouldn't create Heaven without passion and joy forever. No, you don't gotta with me, you don't gotta with anyone. Only an option for those who wanna make physical love a part of their eternity. Just imagine, girl: twenty-two? a hundred and one? fifty thousand? handsome, tall, muscular, gentle guys love'n you alone + 101 full years + nude swimming in the shallow ocean + nude floating in the sky + erotic, bedtime stories at dusk + whatever your precociously precious heart comes-up with. The sky's the limit, babe. BUT, YET, YA MUST GIT-UP THAR FIRST. You must see the need for repentance in this finite existence (I go every month). Why not? Why wouldn't Almighty God allow that super-freeek'n-dooper, glorious high for a month or 77 months? Why wouldn't God allow His creatures to love one another? Do we gotta sit stupified for all eternity twiddling our thumbs singing psalms? I don't wanna. That's for sure. I'd rather 'Git-it-on'... then goto Mass on Sundays. See? Heaven ain't as boring or tasteless as you thot, doll; God loves you and God wants to provide the very best for you for eternity. I want Heaven, too, to love you, serve you, honor you, nekk and cherish you forever. For those few who actually achieve the Great Beyond these days? God sez, 'Eye has not seen...' You cannot stay here, girl: all of U.S. must croak someday. So decide if this whorizontal, lifelong demise is worth the slow, unraveling, unending joy of Heaven. God bless you --- Meet me in Heaven. You won't be disappointed.